Stepping Out On The Field

She had five years of lacrosse experience with one of the top programs in Georgia. She had competed in many tournaments at a young age when most girls didn't have that opportunity in Idaho. But here she stood looking at a lacrosse field unable to move.  She knew the sport well but didn't know anyone now that she moved back to Idaho. It was a sport she loved and had grown up playing, but this time, for some reason, fear was winning this competition. It paralyzed not just her body, but her motivation to try, her drive to compete, and ability to overcome insecurity even though she had talent, skill, and had every physical and mental capability to do it well. That wasn't enough. It took a crying mother to get her on that field.

Rewind...sports have been a big part of my life. I played basketball and volleyball in middle school and high school and continued my love for basketball in college. It wasn't always pleasant. With sports there are wins and losses, highlights and injuries, moments that challenge character and bring out the best and the worst. I've learn much about myself through competition - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Needless to say, all three of my girls grew up playing sports as well.  I remember when my oldest had her first Upwards basketball game at Tree City Church.  The moment she started dribbling down the court, my emotional floodgates opened wide. I couldn't hold back the "happy tears".  To see her enjoy a sport that was such a part of my life experience was such a tender moment for me. My physical body responded to the connection I felt with my daughter. 

Fast forward...when we moved to Georgia, my daughter tried the South's popular sport of lacrosse and really excelled. Five years later we moved back to Idaho and my daughter had an opportunity to play with other local lacrosse players for a friendly game. All the girls went out on the field except my daughter. She was slowing getting her shoes on. She went to the bathroom. She dawdled around, and I could tell she was avoiding stepping on that field. I went over to her and encouraged her to hurry on the field as they were picking teams. After much prompting, she said, "I don't want to play" and made excuses. Even though she had so much experience and training in GA and she was fully capable of playing well, her fear paralyzed her and she couldn't see beyond the wall of fear. 

I have to be honest...I was so frustrated as I tried to convince and persuade her to get out on that field. And in my frustration, I began to cry. I knew her capability. I knew her potential. She was letting fear control her decision to do something I knew she loved to do. I was at a loss. 

My daughter saw my frustration and tears, and she slowly stepped onto the field. The coach included her on a team, and they began to play. And I began to cry again, just like when she played her first Upwards basketball game. The joy of watching her play without reservation, but with ease, doing what came naturally to her, quickly earning the trust of her teammates, and enjoying her first lacrosse experience in Idaho. I saw how fear and self-doubt can so easily rob my girl of joy, of taking good risks that can reveal God's goodness. I just kept thinking about what she would have missed out on if she hadn't stepped out on that field.

Then God so timely and tenderly said to me:  "That's how I feel about you." 

Taken back, God reminded me He too has "happy tears" when I step into life fully, and He has sad maybe even frustrated tears when I live paralyzed in fear, not believing what He says about me.

His Spirit prompted this question: "Have I stepped out on the field?

Or am I sitting on the sidelines wishing the moment, the day, or the season to pass by without being fully "IN" for fear of making a mistake, of receiving criticism, or feeling I'm not enough?

And God, who knows our full potential, our abilities, who has given us unique gifts, cries from a parent's heart wanting us to step out with or without fear. Just like we do for our own, we want our loved ones to overcome fear with faith, to make the most of opportunities, and use the strengths He's given them. He weeps when we hold back, when we live in worry and fear, paralyzed by lies and self-doubt when He created us to live abundantly. Not to simply exist or take up space, but to contribute to this life fully. In this moment with my daughter I understood what God feels when I live a "safe" life behind fear instead of trusting the words of my Heavenly Father:

I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Tim. 1:7)

Do not fear for I am with you. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, and keep a firm grip on you.  (Isaiah 41:10)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for I will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly. (John 10:10)

All along God has been encouraging me in the same way I've tried to encourage and instruct my daughters through moments of fear. I feel what God feels when I allow that fear to control me and thwart His work in my life. I want my girls to flourish without limiting themselves and allowing thieves to rob them of God's unique purpose in their lives. I want them to be...Fearless. Bold. Stouthearted. Brave. Just as God does for me.

I had to ask myself, "What holds me back?" Here is my list:

Fear of others' judgements
Making a mistake
Criticism
Self-doubt
Not doing something well or right
Getting hurt again, wanting to protect myself

Then I made a list of what abundant life or fearless looks like:

Carefree
Nothing to prove
Being able to laugh at myself
Creativity
Enjoy without reservation
Take risks - try new things
Free to love God & others
Grace for myself when I do make mistakes

What would your lists look like? What keeps you in the grasp of fear? What prevents you from stepping out on the field?  

As a parent, an aunt, a sister, a mentor, or a good friend, you know the immense joy it is to watch someone you love flourish and thrive at something in this world. It's a beautiful connection that is hard to explain. It's a human experience that gives us a heavenly glimpse of how our Father feels as He watches us live life with abundance, freedom, and courage. Believing in ourselves because He believes in us, knows us, created us for something greater than we can see in the moment. 

What is holding you back? What does "stepping out on the field" look like to you?

"When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted." - Psalm 138:3